Finding the Balance

Since dropping that little bombshell last month, I’ve been spending a lot of time trying to decide the best way to handle the big reveal of Bachelor #3’s identity. Humorously? More seriously than serious? Accompanied by a thousand disclaimers and a 50-foot flashing neon “UPG; YMMV; PLEASE DON’T HATE ME” sign? I even, in my snarkier moments, considered hosting a mini-contest with daily clues and a special prize for the first person to guess correctly. (I eventually decided against that plan, obviously, as that would be terribly gauche–not to mention unlikely to be appreciated by the Individual in question.)

And now here I am on the one-year anniversary of Him showing up in my dreams with an unexpected proposal–which, although it’s not the most comfortable time to make these matters public knowledge, at least has a certain symmetry to it–and I’m still at a loss on how to handle this. So I might as well start at the beginning and catch everyone up along the way. The account that follows is somewhat simplified, due to the glossing over of certain private details, and the tendency of interactions with the Gods to sometimes not follow any sort of linear timeline, but it’s as accurate as I can make it, for all that. Read on, if you would know more.

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Song of My Self: Revival

And to top things off for my actualfax birthday, have some Beats Antique. :D


Song of My Self: Ice and Fire

Getting my blatant Norse mythology references in here. ;) The video’s a little cheesy in parts, but we can all deal with that, right? Right.


Song of My Self: Der Blaubeermund

Something of a nostalgic one for me, in ways I can’t explain–even to myself.

As a fun bit of trivia, I once did an aerial dance piece to this song. It was just a short practice/assessment routine for the class I was in at the time, so only the teacher and my half-dozen or so classmates saw it, but we all got to pick our own music and this is what I chose. I really miss doing trapeze work sometimes; I do NOT, however, miss the huge blisters I got on my palms from it. :P


Song of My Self: The One Eyed Maiden

Another partly-joking, partly-serious one. This isn’t the official music video, and the sound quality leaves something to be desired, but, y’know, Reasons.


Song of My Self: Roses Are Red

Another (mostly) inside joke. This one was a request of Loki’s, Who insisted that I include something fun and happy in this little playlist, since the rest of the songs I picked have something of a dark undertone. And, well, He does have a point; even my God/dess-y bits can be goofy and less-than-dignified sometimes. So there. :P


Song of My Self: Sieben

I’ve probably watched this one a hundred times, and I still can’t get over the juxtaposition of the menacing lyrics vs. what’s actually going on in the video. In case you couldn’t tell, I’m rather fond of stuff that reverses one’s expectations like this. ;)


Song of My Self: Murder

And this is one of the ones that counts as an inside joke, mostly. …Mostly.


Song of My Self: Moths

At the suggestion (read: insistent prodding) of my Menfolk, the week leading up to my birthday this year is going to be spent honoring myself–or, more accurately, my Self, the divine parts of me. After all, as They reasoned, if I’m willing to devote a month to each of Them, then surely I can set aside a mere week for this? Which does make good sense, even if I do want to run very fast in the opposite direction at the mere thought.

So, to that end, I’ll be sharing some music here every day. Sometimes the lyrics will be the relevant part, sometimes the accompanying video, sometimes the combination of the two. There are a few inside jokes mixed in, right next to symbolism that sends chills through my whole body. It’s not the whole story–only a few pages. But, perhaps, the merit is in opening the book in the first place.


Merrier the More

Today (ETA: yesterday, technically; I hit the Publish button a hair too late) marks my anniversary with Gwydion. Yes, another one; we seem to have accumulated quite a few over the years. This time we’re commemorating two years since He made His vows to me. It might not seem like such a big deal to most, but this came about in the midst of some of the worst mental, emotional, and spiritual upheavals I’ve ever experienced, when, due to various external circumstances, I wasn’t even sure if I could trust Him anymore. And these were vows that required no answer from me, no matching commitment, and sealed in such a way that betraying them–and me–was not an option unless He fancied getting a metaphorical twenty-ton anvil dropped on His head immediately thereafter.

For obvious reasons, this went a long way towards repairing our relationship, and allowing us to rebuild our trust in one another. And under different circumstances, I’d be spending the rest of this post meditating on that topic: how typical that sort of gesture is for Him, how far we’ve come since then, how we’re still working to deepen and expand this precious bond we share…

…Except that it’s not just me and Gwydion sharing that bond. Loki’s a large part of it, of course; even as our relationship dynamics have stretched and shifted to accommodate new circumstances and different ways of relating to each other, He’s been right there the whole way–not just along for the ride, but throwing His arms up in the air and giggling like mad as we hit the sharps turns and sudden plummets.

And now we’re finding room for Someone else to be woven into the tapestry of this Marriage.

Even saying that much gives me a terrible case of stomach butterflies, without going into Who it is. There’s a part of me that doesn’t want to admit to it, that wants to keep everything on the down-low–because if I talk about it publicly, that makes the whole thing Really Really Real, and there’s no easy way to backpedal from it after that, right? But I’ve been sitting on this little announcement for nearly a year now, and it’s gotten to the point where if I tried to hold it in any longer, I’d burst. And I don’t want to pay the cleaning bill for that little incident. :P

Further details to come, as always. Patience shall be rewarded. ;)

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