Bonfire at Midnight

And
the
rest
is
silence
.
.
.

No words left right now,
only yearning and worry.
How long will this last?

In years to come,
I want them to say of me
that I overcame many dangers
for the sake of love,
and emerged triumphant.

Tonight, though,
I am weary,
heartsick,
and afraid.
And yet I endure.

Come home soon, my Love–
You missed all the excitement,
and I’m missing You.

I keep turning toward the place where You should be,
expecting to find You there at my side,
but only the empty air greets me.

Your presence may be subtle, my Love,
and unassuming, but still I can tell
the difference when You’re absent:

Like missing a limb or a vital organ.
Like having the life slowly drained from me.
Like having arms in my heart that reach out,
trying to close the distance that separates us.

Anniversary:
dreams of our wedding day, Love–
but You are not here.

Wrapped in His mantle:
not the warmth of His arms, but
it still bears His scent.

What do Your unseeing eyes see in the Past, Dear One–
the pain of loss of innocence,
Your nephew’s fatal wound,
the first fragile beginnings of our unexpected love?

What do Your unseeing eyes see in the Present, Beloved–
the battles being fought without You,
Your blood dripping down the Tree,
the way I long to wrap You in my arms and never let go?

What do Your unseeing eyes see in the Future, Husband–
the peace we all hope for,
Your strength given back,
the day when we will pledge our devotion for all time?

And what do I see?

…

…

…

…I am weary of seeing.

History repeats itself:
In upland Oak He hangs,
Pierced through by spear.

 
Between Life and Death,
Between Earth and Sky,
Between Hope and Sorrow.

 
And here I will wait,
Watering the Tree with tears:
Peace has ever had a heavy price.

A reply, and a clarification.

***

As I’ve said before, I hold no expectation that the Gods–any of the Gods–are perfect, no more than I hold any expectation that other mortals are perfect.

I do, however, have a few other expectations of the Gods–ones that are very similar to those I have of anyone else I interact with. I don’t feel that any of these are terribly unreasonable, and can’t imagine that any sensible person would think otherwise. They are as follows, in no particular order:

1. I expect Them to treat me with at least a modicum of basic civility.
2. I expect Them to respect my existing relationships, whether marital, romantic, familial, Divine, or mortal.
3. I expect Them to treat me like a person–not like a toy, a trophy, a slave, a snack, a pet, or a sexual aid with a convenient spiritwork attachment.
4. I expect to be able to deal with Them without having to equip myself with the astral equivalent of a machete and a poison-tipped chastity belt.
5. I expect Them to understand that No means No, not “I’m playing hard to get.”
6. I expect Them not to make threats against me or my friends, family, Husbands, or anyone else I care about–especially not as a way to try to coerce me into doing what They want.
7. I expect Anyone seeking to establish a lasting bond with me to do so because They care about me, not just my abilities or Their potential bragging rights.
8. I expect Them to follow the principles of Gebo–the understanding that anything given calls for a gift in return–and compensate me in a meaningful and appropriate way for whatever They expect to get from me.
9. I expect Them not to demand anything of me that They Themselves would not be willing to do.
10. I expect Them to be capable of learning from their mistakes–and not, to paraphrase Albert Einstein, to keep doing the same things over and over in hopes of getting different results.
11. I expect Them to honor the wishes of my ancestors, my Husbands, and my other Divine Kinsfolk, as well as my own–particularly as those wishes apply to my Wyrd, my Work, and my Heart.
12. While I realize that, by its very definition, there is probably no way to make sexual relations with a God exactly safe, I do still expect said relations to be sane and consensual.
13. And finally, after all of those more specific points, I expect Them to not act like assholes, jackoffs, and scumbags in general–at least not in this house. Whatever They want to do in Their free time is Their own business; I just expect Them to leave me out of Their plans if they involve Them being dicks.

If you picked up a more-than-slightly cynical tone from a few of those, I’m not surprised; after the events of the past couple of months, it’s sometimes hard to hold out any hope at all that any of the Gods have my best interests in mind, despite all evidence to the contrary.

Be that as it may, though, those are my expectations. And I’m not prepared to lower them.