Three Signs for the New Week (October 5, 2015)

The cards: The Fool (reversed), Temperance, The Magician (reversed)

What Gwydion has to say:

You know the sayings “too clever by half” and “so sharp you’ll cut yourself,” yes? It isn’t always a matter of what you know; it’s how you use it that counts. You’re fouling yourself up trying to stay ten steps ahead of everyone else, and others are getting pulled into the mess with you. Stop for a moment, and take the time to remember the dream you’ve been chasing so haphazardly. It’s still there waiting for you, and will remain there in patience as you learn how to attain it. Reach out for it with your heart, not with your mind, for the heart is the seat of true wisdom and all noble pursuits. Only in this way can you gain that which you long for most deeply, for there are no mistakes in love–only lessons, and further deepenings thereof.

Have a great week, everyone. :)

The Fantabulous Birthday Mix of Awesome, Day 4

Not gonna mention how old I was when this track first came out; suffice it to say I was still in the “Row, Row, Row Your Boat” phase of my musical life cycle at the time, so I didn’t discover Trilithon until much, much later. This one still gives me chills every time I listen to it, though. <3


The Fantabulous Birthday Mix of Awesome, Day 3

I just really like metal covers of Michael Jackson songs, okay? DON’T JUDGE ME. :P


The Fantabulous Birthday Mix of Awesome, Day 2

Little known fact: the Gentleman frequently uses Jethro Tull songs to get my attention about things, to the point where I sometimes wonder if He’s been squeezing Ian Anderson’s brain off and on for decades (Gwydion: “Well, I won’t say that I haven’t…”), so I have quite a few that I associate exclusively with Him and our relationship. This, however, is not one of those–I just like it a lot. :D


The Fantabulous Birthday Mix of Awesome, Day 1

As some of you already know, my birthday’s this month–yay! So to celebrate, I’ve decided to share some of my favorite music with you all throughout the month of October.

I have somewhat eclectic tastes, so there’s no particular theme to this mix, other than every song on it being:

  1. One that I really like and have been know to listen to on repeat, or am nostalgic about for some reason.
  2. Not especially connected to any of my Men. It’s not that They have terrible taste in music or anything (…well, mostly)–it’s just that I’m choosing to showcase my own musical personality for a change.
  3. Each from a different artist, because while I could probably fill up the entire month with tracks by just a couple of my favorites, that might get tiresome after a few days.

And so, with no further ado, here’s my first selection! :D

Potential Joy

The next time I’m tempted to beg for an unequivocal sign because I’m flailing and full of contradictory feels and not sure what to do next, will someone please remind me that Odin is unsettlingly good at dreamwalking and not especially subtle? I’d be much obliged.

Not that I’m actually complaining about it, exactly. I think I’ve mentioned before that we tend to get along better and communicate much more clearly when I’m dreaming–to the point where I frequently find myself getting sleepy whenever He’s hanging around. (Pun not intended, but kind of hilarious once I realized, so I’m leaving it in. :P )

Let’s be real here: I’m still not comfortable with Odin. I don’t know if “comfortable with Odin” is even a state of being that it’s realistic for me to hope to attain someday. Not to mention that it’s hard to figure out, one day to the next, what exactly my feelings for Him even are; one minute things can be going fine between us, and the next minute I turn into a snarling, hostile mess for no apparent reason. Add to all that the fact that there’s a bunch of wedding-related stuff I only have a few months to decide on–including what the fuck my vows to Him should actually consist of–and you have a recipe for one very stressed Seren.

So last night, I was having that recurring sense of impending doom that comes upon me when I think about these matters for too long–the kind where none of the available options seems appealing or even possible, but you know it’s far too late to stop the ride now, so all you can do is hang on and hope you don’t die along the way. After a while of wrestling with this, I finally gave up trying to untangle things and went to sleep, feeling heartsick for no apparent reason.

When I woke up early this morning, I was still vaguely sad, not feeling particularly rested, and–surprise, surprise–no closer to resolving anything. I checked my email, played a few games of solitaire, tried to get myself enthusiastic about starting the day. After a while, though, I decided to go back to bed. At the very least, a little more sleep could only do me good, even if it was unlikely to solve the knot of uneasiness in my chest.

As I drifted off again, I thought, rather wistfully, that it would be nice to have some solid indication of what exactly I should do about all this. And wouldn’t you know it–the Old Man came through in spades.

The details of that dream aren’t really important, at least to anyone besides me. What I will say, though, is that I woke up with an astonishing sense of joy in my heart, and this is something He’s indicated more than once that He wants for me: Although it’s a strange arrangement on the best of days, and the work we’re doing on getting past certain periods where neither one of us was behaving at all well towards the other is likely to remain ongoing for a long time to come, He hopes we can both still find joy in this Marriage.

And, although my feelings on the matter may very well change tomorrow, at this moment I think such a wish–though fragile–isn’t beyond the realm of possibility.


As a coda, this song had to come on my Pandora not too long after, just in case I hadn’t been paying attention. It’s not exactly describing a healthy relationship by any means, but that doesn’t mean the potential for it isn’t there. And we are working on that.

Three Signs for the New Week (September 28, 2015)

The cards: Ace of Winged Ones (reversed), The Empress, 4 of Winged Ones (reversed)

What Gwydion has to say:

Do not second guess yourself now. There is so much creative potential you have to offer–so much that the world desperately needs to hear, which only you can shape into being. As yet, it exists only in potentiality, but the time for its birth swiftly approaches. Hesitate too long, and this wonder will be stillborn, dead before it has the chance to draw a breath. Your mind is your only enemy here–whispering so sweetly all the reasons you should play things safe, wait for someone else to take up the task. But there is no one else. Not for the work before you.

Yes, there is a seed of beauty and joy inside you, glowing like a candle against despair. Do not let it be snuffed out through fear and hesitation. Kindle the flame. Light the beacons. Speak the fire within you, and watch it illuminate the hearts and minds of others. Now is the time. And now is the time. And now is indeed the time.

…And since I’m such a freakin’ nerd–and so is He–you get a visual aid this week. Because there’s only one real response to “Light the beacons,” amirite? ;)

Have a great week, everybody!

Poetry Happens

(A small, untitled piece for Blodeuwedd, originally created with this online magnetic poetry kit.)

This star is in her smile:
young woman,
laughing flower,
always warm,
ferocious fire,
devouring heart.

Would you kiss it?
she said.
Green fool–
embrace the Tree.

“VERY enthusiastic walks.”

Just gonna leave this here, because of Legit and Reasons. And Legit Reasons. :P

WARNING: Video contains gore, foul language, and other objectionable content. Not safe for work, school, children, or decent people.


The Faerie Tree

This is one of those posts that has several distinct threads to it that I’m going to attempt to weave together into some sort of coherence, but it may end up falling far short of the vision I have for it. There’s a certain shape in my mind that I’m trying to convey, an internal logic and beauty linking all the disparate pieces, but so often it happens that any attempt to draw such a thing out of the realm of the spirit, pin it down with the concrete surety of words and logic, leaves us with nothing more than a handful of dust and stale metaphors. And these matters are so very personal, besides…

Well, all I can do is try. So bear with me–it’s going to be a long journey, traveled mostly in detours and unpaved roads, but it should get us where I’m aiming all the same.


The name of the Realm I’ve slowly come to think of as mine–Elannen–means “The Dreaming Trees” or “The Singing Trees,” depending on dialect and context; its inhabitants, the Llan Faae, are “the People of the Trees.”

The forest where they live is central to so much of their lore, their customs, their way of looking at the world. One lives and dies with the rhythms of the trees–and literally, at that.


In a dream, I found a large Old Norse-English dictionary, complete with translations of common phrases. I thumbed through it, searching for a reference to a particular herb, but instead found page after page of obscure kennings for Odin’s ordeal to gain the runes, including detailed illustrations. One entry in particular caught my eye: one that spoke of Him “hanging on the Faerie Tree.”

It stuck in my mind even after I woke, niggling like the ache of an old wound when a storm blows in. Familiar and strange both, a half-remembered connection to something I’d been chasing for years without knowing it.


One of the easiest ways to annoy the Gentleman (besides offering Him cheap w[h]ine, of course) is to show Him a piece of writing that refers to Him as “the Welsh equivalent of Odin.” The common tease around here for a while, anytime I wanted to see Him do that brow-wrinkly, mutter-imprecations-in-Welsh thing, was to say, in a sweet, dewy-eyed tone, “Are You sure You aren’t Odin?”

Amusing? Undoubtedly. But the lightheartedness was a cover for a deeper uneasiness, embedded in the very question. Are You sure You aren’t Odin? Spoken in a different tone, without the playful veneer, I might have gotten an answer I really didn’t want.

The two of Them are very distinct, energetically speaking; I could no more mistake Odin for Gwydion than I could confuse the Sun and Moon. But there’s a level of commonality in the tales told about Them–more than can be explained by mere chance. I could shrug it off, explain it away as cultural cross-pollination and the evolution of the ancestral Indo-European mythos. I’m good at research, especially when I’m on the trail of one of my pet notions; I could find plenty of information to support this theory, and smugly display it on my blog, all wrapped up with a neat little bow on top. Mission accomplished. Right on. Right?

But things are never that simple when you have a personal relationship with the Gods. At some point, you have to stop chasing down obscure references to Them in musty old books, and pay attention to what They’re actually telling you Themselves.


I’ve made it something of an ongoing project of mine to introduce New Coke to various bits of Earth culture. (Including the origin of his nickname. His reaction was most amusing.) It’s slow going, as Elannen has been more or less isolated from most other Realms for several thousand years, and he isn’t a native speaker of any Earth languages (although I suspect he’s now more competent in English than he lets on). So I have to basically let him tap into my mind as we watch/read/listen to whatever, so he can pick up on all the subconscious associations I have for any words or references that confuse him, and sort of triangulate their meaning from there.

Recently, while watching a documentary called Breaking the Maya Code (which, by the way, is excellent and currently available for streaming on Netflix), he had something of an interesting reaction. It was only a brief reference in the film, a passing mention of the carved figures of the ancestors on Lord Pakal’s sarcophagus being depicted as growing out of trees, but his entire attention fixed on that instantly and totally.

It wasn’t an “I am very interested in this factoid about a past culture of your world and would like to learn more” reaction; it was a “Yes, of course–how else would you portray your ancestors?” reaction, one of utter familiarity where he’d been expecting to find none. And that got me wondering.


My first experience with a certain popular entheogen a couple of years ago was an interesting one. Loki took it as an invitation to initiate a “See How Long We Can Bone” competition, which was quite a ride in and of itself. Afterwards, though, Gwydion took me aside, sat me down under a tree, and said “So, I know you’ve been wondering about Me and Odin…”

Sometimes, there are questions you’re afraid to ask outright. It’s not necessarily that you fear the answers themselves–it’s that, even if that new knowledge turns out to be positive and helpful, you can never again go back to the safety of your prior ignorance. But there’s still something in you that can’t stand not to know. So you end up in a complicated dance, flirting with your uncertainty, never quite speaking aloud the thing you know will shatter your conception of the world, but wanting desperately to embrace it even so…

…Until, finally, Someone has pity on you and shoves you into the deep end.


This is the day the dead wake in Elannen.

Each clan there is under the protection of a particular tree–a sacred, lifelong connection, going back to the first days this Land was settled. To survive in such a strange and inhospitable place, the people made a pact with the indwelling spirits of the forest, mingling their lives, their blood, their fate with the trees, becoming the children of the woods–at first by adoption, but later in truth.

Every clan’s particular initiations are zealously guarded secrets, although speculation and running jokes abound (protip: “Tea and biscuits” is funny to everyone except a Yew); the only way you’re ever going to find out what they are is if you’re actually experiencing them yourself. And if you’re only a casual visitor with no plans to tie yourself to the Realm? Yeah, you’re really better off not asking.

Funerary rites, however, are a matter of cultural identity for all Llan Faae, and something of a point of pride; no one cares how much outlanders know about it, because this is what makes them a distinct people.

At the death of one’s physical body, one’s soul and vital energy are transferred, with great ceremony, into a tree. The tree in question is nearly always of the species sacred to one’s clan, although there are occasional exceptions due to various factors. It’s never a simple case of “One Tree, One Fae,” though. Other souls have been placed in these trees in the past, and they haven’t gone anywhere. Then, too, there is the spirit of the tree itself.

And so all of these souls–the spirits of the deceased Fae and that of the tree–mingle together, creating a whole greater than the sum of its parts: a being both Fae and tree, composed of many individuals and yet transcending all to become something entirely new.

For the light half of the year, they slumber inside their physical homes within the trees, dreaming, yet still able to be communicated with at need. When autumn comes, however, they awaken and separate from their roots and limbs, manifesting a body to walk among their living kinsfolk once more. This reunion is a time of great celebration in the Realm; there are even tales of the Fae-trees choosing partners to sire or bear their children during these times, to strengthen the ties between Land and People.

Some of the oldest of these trees contain hundreds of souls; and indeed, barring any unfortunate accident, any tree containing the spirit of even one Llan Faae is sure to live far past its normal span of years. But eventually, by internal agreement between its members, the mingled souls of tree and Fae split apart again, ready to be reborn as individuals.

They still remain mingled, however. Reincarnation in Elannen is no linear matter; often, when someone speaks of a lover or close friend–someone they feel a deep and somehow fated connection to–they will say that the two of them are “of the same Tree.” Once, in another life, the phrase implies, we were one, and more than one. Now we are separate again, and yet still our souls are connected. Deepest knowledge of the one I love. The same Tree, forever.


We were the same God once, Gwydion told me that night. Long ago, before… well, before many things. And Our Companion, Our bright Love, was always with Us.

Something happened, though. Something monumental, even for a God. We split apart, shattered, came back together–different, and yet the same. And mingled with Us were the pieces of Our Beloved, Who had done likewise. From the Two, the Four: forever entwined, forever separate.

Visions, a picture felt more than seen. Two Lovers beneath the spreading boughs of the Great Tree: before names, but not before passion, not before need, breath’s mingling, the wondering touch of skin on heated skin.

Do You want…?

Yes–yes, more

Even if it means…?

Oh, yes!

Lovemaking so sacred, so powerful, that it shook the Worlds to their core.

Confusion, after. Reaching out for parts no longer there. More of Them now than when They first began.

And maybe that’s how it started. Odin is to Loki as Gwydion is to Lleu as Odin is to Gwydion as Loki is to Lleu as…

Odin, showing me the aftermath of His sacrifice on Yggdrasil, wore a face I normally associate exclusively with Gwydion. Later, we flew as eagles, but was not the eagle also Lleu? Spears and sacrifice and a gift of weapons. Oak and mistletoe. Born of Trees. Strange enchantments carrying the eternal whisper of women’s magic. Shapeshifting, childbearing, coupling with animals. And through it all, no matter the story: the Two of Them, the Four of Them. Love and hate and an everlasting bond. An endless circle, a Serpent eternally eating its tail–and always, the Tree is at its center.

…Or maybe it’s just another story, told to me by the world’s greatest Storyteller, Who always has a thousand reasons for everything He does. It’s not outside the realm of possibility. But knowing what I know now, I have to wonder:

The World Tree, the Faerie Tree. The same Tree, forever…?

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